Because They’re Trying

The morning after the events of my last post Karin and I still didn’t know what was going with Liam’s first day of school and whether or not he would be afforded the orientation process that all the other incoming kindergartners were having. I had been hoping that after hearing the messages I had left the day before I would have recieved a call early in the morning but when I didn’t hear anything by 9am I knew that wouldn’t be the case. So Karin and I went to the school to park ourselves in front of the principal’s office until we could speak with her about our concerns. The school pre-k program social worker (poor thing) didn’t have any idea what she was in for when she walked by and waved hello.

“Can we talk somewhere, right now?” I asked.

*****

Anyone who knows Karin and I knows that we are not confrontational people, but when it comes to the full throated advocacy for our son and his needs we will be as confrontational as we need to be, and we have a lot of practice. The medical field has trained us well with, daily rounds in the intensive care unit, family meetings, and the lifelong coordination of multiple specialists Karin and I have more practice than most at setting expectations with the professionals in charge of Liam’s care. We have to.

Liam’s life depends on it.

****

The meeting was tense. Tension brought on entirely by my anger at the situation and the fact that I am a big, loud oaf when I’m angry. There of course was no violence or inappropriate language, but I could tell by the look on her face and by the taps on my leg by my wife that I may have gotten louder and louder as I listed my grievances. I really didn’t want to start Liam’s school career being the angry dad but it was necessary. After Karin and I laid out our case for why changing Liam’s school schedule at the very last possible moment, and denying him the chance at the orientation process offered to the other incoming kindergartners was unreasonable, unfair and quite possibly illegal, the school social worker brought the principal over immediately and helped to facilitate a quick meeting. The principal, while understandably busy given that it was the first day of school met with us quickly. It was a shorter meeting than I had expected but that is to the principal’s credit. Understanding that we were angry even though she didn’t yet understand why, she accepted that a series of mistakes were made on their end and instead focused on what she could do to make it right.

Liam’s orientation was scheduled for 10:00 am the following day.

*****

A few times a month Karin or myself (mostly Karin) will discuss treatment options with Liam’s neurologist over the phone. Explaining symptoms, relaying changes in medicine doses, what to watch for to see if they’re working, and what to do if they aren’t. Just as often, Karin or myself (mostly Karin) will speak to our pulmonogist over the phone to discuss breath volumes, peak inspiratory pressures, and overnight oxygen settings. Misunderstandings and mis-communications over the phone are luxuries that the Olson family cannot afford. We take notes, we ask questions, we make sure we understand what is expected of us and of Liam. It is a relationship that we have built by open and honest communication. A relationship that we need to have with Liam’s educators as well.

*****

Friday morning Liam was able to meet with his teacher, the principal, two of his therapists, and the superintendent of schools for a tour. He was able to see the lift that the school department is still working to get operational, but also to check out the alternate route that he’ll have to use in the meantime. It isn’t ideal but they’re trying, I think they know now that I won’t let them forget about it. The orientation, from what I hear since I was at work, I wish I could have been there, was great. Liam was able to meet the first and second graders that will be in his class with him this year. The principal and his teacher explicitly discussed with Karin what the most effective means of communicating with each of them will be moving forward and they even thought of some things that will help Liam’s nurse do his job easier at the school.

They really are trying.

*****

I don’t believe for a second that someone intentionally or maliciously decided to deny something from my child or his classmates. It is, after all, reasonable to change Liam’s first day since there are first and second graders in his classroom, and that way they can begin their daily routine a week earlier. But the time to make that decision was three months ago so that those same kids can have their orientation process and the expectation can be communicated in plenty of time. Three months ago when they could think through all of the issues it may or may not create for the portion of the student population that even the slightest change might effect in ways that people not living this life may not realize. Three months ago, NOT the day before. No one meant for this to be unfair but it was, and it’s my job to point that out to them. And I don’t feel bad for pointing that out to all of you as well while it was happening.

I had no problem writing about all the wonderful parts of Liam’s interactions with the school system in our town thus far. His first steps, his making friends, his wonderful penmanship, and even the first time he got in trouble.

It’s why I also had no problem writing about their mistakes when they let us down.

72 hours ago I had little hope for a positive and exciting first day of school celebration, but the actions of the school in the days following, showing us that they really are trying to supply everything they can for his education, as complicated as that is, have turned me back around.

We’re excited about Wednesday again, and while I don’t think I have anything to say I’m sorry for, I do have to say thank you.

4 comments

  1. When I first read your post about the phone call, I was livid. How the hell can they justify what they did and think that he wouldn’t be affected (or you guys), when it was such an important day for you all?

    Glad you both went and stood your ground(and your sons). Setting the ground rules now to prevent any more issues in the future, was a very good thing to do. They won’t mess with you because they know what the expectations are.

    As for having 3 months to prepare and changing things at the last minute, that’s inexcusable.

    Hope everything I setter from this point onwards and as ever, looking forward to seeing how Liam gets on and how his school days are for him!

  2. If they stop “trying” at any point, please call me. I’ll put them back in line…. picking on my buddy Liam….. Not that you guys need my help. You guys are so amazing! Liam is such a lucky kid.

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