The loud thunk of an ambulance door as it closes sounds equally ominous from either side. Inside on the bench seat, struggling to hold Liam’s hand and stay balanced as the EMT keeps checking vitals, or in the car, speeding behind trying to make it to the hospital as quickly as the rescue unit does. Unfortunately, Karin and I have been in both postition a few times each. Right now though, with Liam due to be admitted to the hospital in less than 12 hours, I almost envy those adreneline fueled roles.
Emergencies don’t give you time enough to stress. To worry. To obsess.
Tomorrow morning, Liam is being admitted to the hospital to start the Ketogenic Diet (go here to learn more about the diet) which hopefully will help control his seizures. He will be admitted for 3-5 days but I’m banking on 5. Given our history with hospital stays, hell I’m crossing all of my fingers and toes and HOPING for 5. Let’s just say that we know how quickly things can change in the big house and having two weeks to plan for this stay also means we’ve had two weeks to imagine every possible worst case scenario (and some of the impossible ones too.)
The possibility that Liam responds to the diet and we see a reduction in seizure activity and maybe even reduce the amount of medications he needs to control them make this hospital stay more than worth the inherent risks involved.
Anyway, as strange as it may sound we’d definitely prefer to stay in the PICU as we have spent so much time there that at this point it feels downright comfortable but I suspect that even though the nurses on the floors are unable to change a trach if the need arises, we’ll be up in gen-pop hoping we don’t get shivved instead of downstairs in solitary.
Don’t worry, this is actually a very exciting time for us all and I am almost giddy at the prospect of this treatment working. I’m trying very hard not to let my hopes get too high. It’s just that the anticipation of returning the family routine into “hospital mode” can be a tough pill to swallow. We’ve had hospital stays that were expected to be days turn into weeks and yes even months before so choosing to spend a week in the joint can seem a little crazy.
As you know I’m not a day-to-day-update kind of blogger. When I find a topic or an event and can think of a way to twist it into an essay then up it goes, but the general details of our lives go mostly unmentioned until I can work them into something bigger. Hospital stays though, change all that. The overnights next to Liam’s hospital bed or the sleepless nights alone in a much-too-quiet-house, both tend to inccrease the blogging drive and increase potential material so,.. I guess there’s that.
Like I said, I generally don’t like to post about a thing until I delude myself into thinking I have it all figured out. It’s why I can’t figure out how to end this disjointed and awkward post. I really just don’t know enough about what will happen in the next week to explain to you how I feel about it. Right now, I have nothing figured out. Just a whole lot of worry and a desire to fast forward the next 5 days away so my family and I can all be home again.
By then, probably, I’ll have it all figured out again.