Journaling through some rage.

This post comes to you out of frustration, disappointment and anger. I’ll apologize in advance and just get on with it then.

Months ago you may remember the announcement I made about Liam winning an ipad through a newly formed foundation putting ipads into the hands of children with special needs who could benefit from the technology. The foundation was started by the father of a young girl with infantile spasms. Someone who knew the hardships both financially and beurocratically to getting our kids the tools they need to survive and excel.

We’ve been excited for its arrival ever since. 39 other families too. Families with kids who like Liam have special needs and developmental delays that could benefit from ipads.

40 families.

40 disappointments.

There are no ipads.

It’s entirely possible that there never were any ipads. That this was all a scam. A possible side project to drum up donations to a phony charity (participants in the contest for these ipads were never asked for any money) or a guy trying to do right by his family and manipulated by people who had a controlling interest in the operation then hung him out to dry. who knows.I don’t know anymore and I’m tired of trying to figure it out. I’m tired of thinking about it now.

If you are interested in the details then I suppose this is the place to read all about it. Love that Max is actually where I heard all about the contest in the first place.  The comments that follow the post include copies of the emails that were sent to all of the winners as well as the announcement that there are no ipads to win.  A dialogue of sorts with Mike the foundation’s creator, the man at the center of it all. Also included is a whole lot of anger and resentment and speculation and more anger. Understandably so. 40 families who have had to fight so hard with insurance companies and health care agencies and equipment companies for services and equipment now being betrayed by one of their own.

By one of us.

I’m disappointed.

Disappointed that I won’t be able to give Liam a tool that could help him in his therapies and communications (and fun). But more than that I’m disappointed in myself.

I don’t even trust doctors in the hospital. I ask the hard questions and make them squirm until I know that they know what is best for Liam. I don’t trust nurses in my house for weeks until they prove to me that they deserve to work here with Liam. I don’t trust any of the people in the school that Liam will be attending next year. They’ll have to earn that thank you very much.

So how did I get all ” aw shucks mister? you’re fixin ta give me a free Ipad?! For nothin?! Well golly. boy ain’t you nice.” How did I not look at this as cynically as I do every other thing in the world? I don’t trust anyone I don’t know. How could I let my desire to give Liam absolutely everything that he needs be used against me like that?

I feel duped.

I feel frustrated.

But there are at least 40 other parents out there right now feeling the same way.

There are also more industrious and energetic bloggers out there who have made it their mission to make sure that the 40 kids who were told they would get ipads get their ipads. They are doing so with a focus on transparency and verifiable details in communication. It is not lost on them that after being bitten by an online scam promising ipads no one is going to buy in to the next blog that comes around promising ipads. So they’re not promising. They’re trying. The best that they can. Because they know the hurt and frustration that we feel. They too were chosen as winners in the marissa’s bunny needs based ipad giveaway.

Me? I hope that soon I will get myself back into the mindset where I can jump in and offer my help to them because I’d love nothing more than to help someone else feel better from this whole situation and right now just receiving an ipad doesn’t feel like it would be enough to do that.

But right now I’m still too bitter about the whole thing.

Bitter and embarrassed.

I’ve been stewing about this all day and I’m tired now. tired of thinking about this. I want to take my mind off of this now and I just remembered that I DVR’d Stargate on HBO yesterday and I haven’t seen that movie in years.

‘Night all.

8 comments

  1. Bitter and embarrassed. Doesn’t that suck? That’s exactly what I hate the most about this entire thing, the feeling of violation that resonates in every person’s blog that I read who recounts this story.

    But if there is any good that can be taken from this, I try to take stuff like this…I never would have found my way here, or places like this, without having been one of ‘The Forty’.

    And for that? I’ll be grateful.

    1. Heh. ‘The Forty’ I kind of like that.

      And it’s true. Sometimes things just happen for a reason. Something that each of us probably recognize given our family sittuations.

      If nothing else all of this actually got me to get my lazy ads away from the late night TV and back into blotting. So I got that going for me.

      Which is nice.

    1. Thanks Joyce.

      I’m feeling much better now and to be honest the whole mess is proving to have its bright side. I’ve met some very cool people and new blogs (sarah’s included) in the last week. It’s even gotten me blogging more often again.

      Thanks for your kind words and my best to you and Sarah.

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